We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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