So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
