Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
