at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
