It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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