Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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