When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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