Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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