we have officially mastered the walk of shame
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
