I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
wow bdsm is so cute
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
