chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
