I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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