Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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