bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
