I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I checked into jail on foursquare
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
