I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
