I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
