one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
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