Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize