I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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