At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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