glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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