So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
