He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i've created a new STD.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
