i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
