dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
