I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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