How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
