Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
