what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
