I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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