normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
