Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
