You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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