we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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