I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
