Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
