nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
