Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
