i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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