I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I wear drunk well.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
