He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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