i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
