I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
