just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
