So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
