i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize