Don't you send me to vm
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
