Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Randomize
