Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
