I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize