I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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