I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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