Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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