I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize