life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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