Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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