Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
