omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
honey bunches of taint.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
