I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
