i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
