Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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