Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Well I just put wine in my tea
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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