I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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