A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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