I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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