guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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