he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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