The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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