Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize